We live in a time where we are constantly comparing ourselves. Social media has made it easier to critique and criticise. We put all of our sparking lacy underwear is on display, and others who may have more rotted garments are imbued with shame. This imagined virtual world on Facebook and Twitter makes us see the bejewelled masks more so than the truth. In our heads, every one is doing better and it fills us with a sorrow unlike any other. Jealousy is an hideous emotion to feel…

Lately I’ve been feeling jealous, uncontrollable jealously that has been burning through me and it has made me feel quite lonely. I’ve isolated myself in this horrid sense of entitlement and pity: “Why not me? Woe is me, I deserve it more.” 

See, I have a handful of friends (whom I love dearly) that are simply doing better at my dream career more so than I am. Or possibly even life. They are working better and harder and reaping the successes that I want and, selfishly, it is filling me with quite a bit of rage. It is making me feel monstrous.

But I recognise that this is an emotion we are all feel from time to time. Something that we cannot control. The best we can do is build up weapons to defeat it, slam it down with some mental hammers of awesome.

So here are a few tips I have crafted to help, if you are struggling like me with this heavy envious  bright green clothing…

Celebrate

First things first, you should never project how you feel on the subject you are comparing yourself too. Instead, what you should shower them in is praise. Look, so what? They are doing better than you. At the end of the day, they are your friend or colleague and absolutely deserve a slap on the back, a round of applause, and all your pride thrown their way. Spreading your hate that has manifested within you is going to end up making all of you feeling shitty. Which is not how we move this world forward. So change the tone and congratulate. It is such a warm feeling to be thrilled for someone else, and that person needs a reminder that you care absolutely about their progress too.

Advice

Say you have a friend who has, oh, I don’t know, made an incredible amazing website that is shooting into the stratosphere and doing incredible wonderful charitable things too. You look at your website stats and interactions like “Fuck, I am not doing well AT ALL.”

It is pretty easy to throw in the towel or even get mad at that person.

Yet the best thing to do is ask: You’re both rowing a similar boat, floating to a same destination. If yours is anchored down and another is moving swimmingly, lean over and ask: “Hey, got any tips?”  

If they do care for you, then they’ll aid somehow. If they don’t, then you’ll find a way. They don’t have to give you direct advice, watch how they are using their ore and see if you can apply it to how you’re rowing. Life is about discovering what works for you. In a professional setting, you can use strategies by other people (credit given, of course.) In life, it works the same way. You won’t directly imitate them, but you can use what works for you. Because we’re all in this together….

…it is OK to ask for help.

Push Yourself Forward

OK, so, your friend has scored that amazingly awesome job and you are still struggling to get interviews. It is fine to take some time to step back for a while and be a bit blue about it. Yet the very next day, you need to use that as your fuel. It is great that they are doing well, but it is also your time to shine. Take all that energy you have from feeling angry or scared or sad and put it into your work. Next week, you’ll be a step forward. Next month, you’d have rolled down that path  to a new destination. Next year, it will all be different. And that’s because you have given it all, instead of giving up.

It is wonderful that we can share these experiences together and friendly competition is great as long as you are crossing the finish line together, laughs and smiles in hand. The only fierce competitor to face is yourself. Look back at who you once were and how far you have come, because no matter how you feel, there is the best change that you’ve moved forward, and, at the very least, you have grown as a person.

Take me for example. Right now I feel as though I’m dragging behind everyone else. But look at where I was last year: On my Dad’s couch, cleaning up after other people, making next to no money, and having started all over again with my website. Now I’m in a cool flat that is mine (no more rooms,) I have an incredible perfect job, and We Make Movies On Weekends is making a name for itself. Put it this way, I am kicking past me’s arse right now.

You are doing just fine and chances are the person you are seething at with envy is feeling exactly  the same, screaming on the inside because they too are constantly criticising themselves against the lives of others.

What we all need to do is take a step back and breathe. When you feel the envious monster inside of you rearing it’s ugly head, put everything down and assess. Look at all the greatness you have; the love, the support, and the fierceness you have inside you.

Own who you are, the paths you have walked, and the road you are going.

You are doing fine.